Social Networking

He was bland and utterly boring to me. A misplaced smile and loss for words. We stood on the balcony and shivered from a merciless breeze. His jacket gently landed on my shoulders, and his face spoke of triumph. Yet my heart felt empty. And my mind could not comprehend the extenciveness of his folly. Thinking that I would fall for him? No... I had even said it right to his face. This, was just a temporary game. And still this foolish foolish young man stood here with me, quoting Shakespeare's 14th Sonnet in the sunset. The deal had been so clear. We would play our parts as a couple simply to please my parents on their short visit. Now it seemed to me that I had been too good an actress. And at this moment the show had to go on. Consequenses would have to be dealt with later on. And thus, I stood there in the arms of a mannequin, returning his smile, pretending that everything was ok.

These last days have brought to mind the relations between people. How we interact and coexist. Everything we do affects all the people around us. Each word spoken can bring harm or joy. And what people do to us affects not only our instant emotions, that's just the surface of it. Over time our relations with other people shape us.

And that's where psycology becomes so interesting. Bullying for example, a harmless act? Not quite so simple. Maybe picking on a person once over something that just seems like fun feels like nothing in the bigger picture. Yet the oposit may quite often be the cease. There's so many ways to respond to being poorly treated by fellow humans. Immedeatly there's the usual sense of isolation. When you're picked to be a victim that becomes your name. And you'll carry traits that are easily recognized, and those who feed on you multiply. We are pack creatures, and outcasts are free game. Little thought is given to the victim's position.

So what happens really? To this sad person who walks alone back and forth in the school hallways? Always with the nose pointing downwards and quick steps from A to B, as if too much in a hurry with something to have time for the remarks of others. At the time he feels only cold and unwanted. Going through the mass of students is like walking on needles. It stings when they turn their backs towards him to shut him out. It hurts when they stare at him like there's a deformative in his face. And all the comments that he pretends to overhear, echo in the dephts of his mind for years to come.

I could easily rant on how a person ends up in such a position. It's not weakness that causes it. But right now that is not the essense. What I wish to clearify is what really happens to a person like this. The possible long-term effects.

For walking in these claustrophobic corridors is not a dream. You always look for safe spots. Preferably empty rooms or hidden corners where few are likely to come by. Loneliness sometimes means safety, and in the dark silence your mind is left to dwell on everything. It broils with frustration, hurt and anger. "Why me?" It asks.. "What did I do to deserve this? What is wrong with me?" And there's a few possible conclusions to end up with here. One is the acceptance that you are indeed at fault. You're a lesser being and for that you are punished. The result of which is that you don't do anything about it, believing that the bullies are justified in their acts. Thus creating a downwards spiral where you feel more and more useless, worthless, unloved and unwanted. A typical start of self-molesting and eventually even suicide.
An entirely different line of thoughts can be with aggression. "It's their fault, they don't see what I am, they don't respect me. They just follow the crowd and think it's cool to pick someone who's down." You start looking for ways to stop them, or continue to ignore these "lower induviduals" whilst looking for friends that accept you. At first glance this may seem as a better way to deal with it all.
Yet that is when you fail to see the sad truth. It's a traumatic experience to be isolated and bullied. Simply because we are social creatures that need to feel that we belong somewhere, and that we are part of the group. And when you become an outcast for years and years.. It leaves nasty prints in your subconciousness. And that is a dangerous place to have traumas stored. Traumas linger there like bad tumors in the brain. They become memories painfull to touch. But more dangerous is what havoc they may cause the brain.

The human brain is.. the centre of control. It where everything is administrated by millions of tiny electrical impulses going to and fro destinations in an immensly complicated network. Dark holes from the past cause disturbances in this system. And the outcome of that can be so many different things. Emotional psycological issues are one side. Post Traumatic Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Self-Harming, and the list goes on. Another is the fysical side. The brain can easily be fooled and messages end wrong. Unexplainable pains that move around in your body. Immune system that shuts off, hormones acting up, clouded judgement, hyperventilation, migrenes, energy loss, liver malfunctions. And I could write at least a couple paragraphs of other possible things that could happen. The point is.. That it can cause serious health problems to this person in the future. And you can't just take a pill to remove memories, so getting well is ofthan a many year long process. And it can even ruin a person's life.

And all because some kids decided to have "fun".