Caressed by carbon,
filling the air.
Oxygen abandon,
me in my fear.
Walls comming closer,
all around me.
My mind's a browser,
failing to see.
As I become history,
death complete.
All of my memory,
now obsolete.
People close to me know that my health has been utterly terrible for the past years. Especially the last one. All the doctors and nurses at the office know me and that really is not a good sign. Only the last months have I really gotten any diagnoses. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, (bullying is one of many reasons behind this hence my previous post.) and a pair of rotten purple tonsils which I had removed some weeks ago. So how exactly did my tonsils end up like that? Well.. pretty much my immune system had decided to take a leave of absense. And continous infections had a bad influence on those poor tonsils of mine.
Anyway, the surgery is over and done with, and I'm getting theraphy as well. I've been pain-free for a week now since the operation, and feel like a completely new person! It's really a dramatic change. I've wanted to do so many things before but have been completely unable. (A side-effect of my health-issues was an immensly irritating chronic fatique.)
All this has made me think a lot about limitations. One of the worst things I know is being unable to do what I want to. Like before, I would go to the gym one day I was feeling well, and the penalty would be a week in bed. Now however, I've gone to the gym three times in 4 days, and I feel fantastic!
There's mainly two forms of limitations. Those that are set by your body and mind, and those imposed upon you by others. And the tricky part is to balance these limits with crossing them to expand your own borders, without taking it too far. I had no respect for my boundries before, and that cost me. I've learned from that, but still accepting that someone else tells me: "You can't do this." Is something that's very hard. I simply don't believe in it, that anyone besides from myself can really know what I am capable of. People may say this with the best intent, but is it not through breaking free of outer bondries such as this that one can develop oneself to the full?
So I guess the message in all this is to not let others keep you down in any way, even if done with love. Allow youself to be everything that you can be, and harvest the fruits of new found strenghts.
You wonder if you love me,
XO XO - Sig
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2 comments:
You are truly and amazing person , even in light of your own health problems you look to the brighter side and encourage others to stive for greatness , truly a gift from god , and a true spirit
And you flatter me beyond belief. You know how much I appreciate your support hon, and if anything that I say or write is an encouragement to you then that's a reward in itself.
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